Change is tricky sometimes. We have things that we know how to deal with, and we have to let it go to allow us to regain control over our journey. Most of us do not know where to start and whom we can ask for help. Sure, a therapist will be the first thing you will be thinking about, but how can we keep going when our therapist is not around? Here five real-life coping skills to stay sober:
1. Be Present
Mindfulness is key when we are trying to start a new life cycle. We should not get fixated on the past wrongdoing or the future. As cliché as it sounds, we cannot change the past, but if we are not present here-and-now, how can we guarantee a bright future? One way is to take a couple of minutes of your day, and try to find a guided meditation, and let your mind rest; “What do you mean? My thoughts are over the place right now!”
Sit in a quiet place and imagine that you are in a cinema, and your thoughts are on the screen. Look at them without making an effort to change or do anything. At this moment, watch at them, do not judge them, just let you and your thoughts be. Take this mental break. It helps to have a stress ball, barefoot feet touching the grass of a park, feet submerged in lukewarm water, or even a cold one (no judgment here) or even a pet that you can touch while resting your mind or background music (preferably with no lyrics helps).
2. Socialize
Socializing is one of the vital coping skills to stay sober. Humans are social creatures, at least most of the time. Let’s be real, if we could deal with everything by ourselves, we would not have a problem, or we would have born from a plant. We need someone to be our external brain (and sometimes heart) to balance us. If you do not have anyone in your life right now, time to try meeting new people, preferably one that understands recovery somehow even they haven’t been in recovery themselves.
Go to support meetings (in person or virtual, it does not matter), and events or parks on a sunny day, go walk with your dog or a cat, a bird, a lizard (remember no judgment here), for sure people will approach. Take the risk and say hi to people. Although human contact can be tiresome for some people, it’s in our nature is to seek connection.
3. Practice Honesty
People often find themselves hiding their behaviors from other people. This may be born from a desire to appear healthier than they are; perhaps the hiding is a response to shame, as the person does not want their loved ones to see that they are struggling. Regardless, speak up! Be honest with yourself—you deserve to feel whatever you’re feeling.
The best that you can do is share how you are feeling, and what your needs are. Not only can you potentially solve your needs, but you are also creating an accountability partner by sharing with another. The difficulty with white lies and small hiding behaviors/omission of feeling is that, often, larger lies and greater hiding is needed to keep old lies hidden. Pretty soon, you can be faced with a slippery slope. Maintaining your sobriety does not need to be more of an uphill battle than it already is!
4. Change Your Attitude
Perhaps you and your therapist have briefly gone over reframing thoughts. If not, good news! We will do a crash course/brief review right now. Often, events in our lives follow a similar pattern:
- A situation arises (i.e., Someone cuts us off in traffic).
- Thoughts arrive about the situation (i.e., ‘this person is a terrible human;’ ‘I’m not safe out here.”
- Feelings are tied to thoughts (i.e., anger, fear, panic, hate, insecure, etc.)
- Behaviors rise out of thoughts and feelings (i.e., more aggressive driving, refusing to drive, over-vigilant driving, etc.)
- Consequences (Often, the consequences of actions end up reinforcing the thoughts about the situation or beliefs about the self—i.e., the world is out to get me, I can’t take care of myself, etc.).
However, if the thoughts that followed this example situation were more hopeful/optimistic, such as, “thank goodness I have good enough reaction time to avoid an accident,” the feelings and behaviors would likely shift from anger and fear to empowerment and relief. By doing this simple exercise, people can become more resilient and better equipped to handle the problems that life throws at them.
5. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most underrated skills to stay sober. Availability heuristic refers to a mental shortcut that people can find themselves in whereupon their beliefs are strengthened if they have readily available examples. For example, if I begin to continually look for problems in my family, friends, and life in general, then I am much more likely to see more issues than I did before. I may conclude that the issues are everywhere and that there is no avoiding it! Conversely, by practicing the expression of gratitude, being thankful for what it is in my life, I will automatically begin noticing more things that are going well.
Final Thoughts
By engaging in these five skills to stay sober, including writing down five things that you are grateful for in a journal before going to bed, it can markedly increase the extent to which you experience positive, hopeful emotions about the world around you.
