My alcoholism story is a tale of addiction. I picked up my first drink at 14. It was at my dad’s annual Christmas party. It was rum punch, and it tasted awful. I had another glass, and it still tasted terrible. But I started to feel warm and comfortable. So I figured that the benefits outweighed the consequences. Fast forward 2 hours (yes, only two hours), and I’m throwing up on my dad’s shoes outside of the party. Instead of being angry that I had been drinking, he was just as drunk and laughed. We sneaked past my mom (the serious one), and he put me to bed.
I don’t remember much else. I don’t know what happened that night.
My Alcoholism Story
Something inside me went off. In between the time of picking up that drink and vomiting the anxiety inside started to disappear. I was able to talk to people. I felt confident. Whatever made alcohol do this to me, I liked it. And I was going to get that feeling no matter the consequences. Between 14 and 22, I made a lot of those promises to myself. My alcoholism picked up, and while I was able to maintain good grades and do well in sports, my thoughts were spent counting down the minutes until I could drink again.
When I say drink, I mean blackout. I never understood how someone could have one glass of wine, or leave half a beer at the bar and didn’t feel like drinking anymore. I was that person that had to have a bottle of wine, and the person at the party that finished off the beers people had left behind. Across the alcohol and drug abuse statistics and tales of addiction, this feature is common. I knew I had a problem.
My Life Spiralled Out Of Control
My friends left me, but alcohol was always there for me. However, it wasn’t fun anymore. I started shaking if I didn’t drink in the morning. Soon enough, I hid alcohol around the house. I went from an independent student to a college dropout living at their parent’s home, contemplating suicide daily. When I finally told my friends and family I needed help, I felt like the scum of the earth, and I was hopeless and didn’t have anywhere else to turn.
I Sought Help
I went to treatment in 2012 and found out that I was not alone. Many people were just like me. Alcohol had a grip on them too. My way of thinking that was the problem. Looking at my past behavior, I could see that I had been using alcohol to avoid my questions. I learned that I could change my thoughts and recognize what’s real and what’s not. And I could do this sober!
For so long, I used alcohol to escape from reality. A lot of people do. I started to attend Alcoholics Anonymous and listened to alcoholic stories that were just like mine. They had different experiences, but they shared the same feelings. I didn’t feel so alone. They took me under their wing and shared how they were able to get and stay sober. They didn’t want anything in return and they helped me because someone helped them. My family started talking to me again. I was able to get and keep a job, have a car, and a life of my own.
Relapse
After a year, I tried to drink again. I figured I knew enough where I would be able to stop. I spent four days locked in my room drinking. By the time I was done, I was miserable and worse than I was when I went to treatment. I still had the material things in my life, but I felt like my soul was gone. My friends picked me back up. They loved me even though I was back to feeling like scum.
I faced the fact that I cannot drink like other people. And even though my emotions were all over the place, I didn’t run away. I was honest with my friends. I thought the secrets I kept were going to drive them away but it didn’t. They came closer to me and told me that I was going to be okay. They said to me that everything happens for a reason and to trust the process.
At almost four years sober, I look back and feel lucky that I am an alcoholic. I knew something never fit like I was the 5th corner piece of a puzzle.
You Can Do It Too
I thought no one would ever understand how I felt. Now I have a whole alcohol support group who knows me and who loves me. They show up when I need them. I can be myself around them. Most importantly, they understand me. They have felt the same way. We can help each other out with our struggles and hold each other up.
Final Thoughts
Finally, I hope that my cautionary alcoholism story will help you see the bigger picture. I would have never found this solution if I didn’t become an alcoholic. Today I truly believe that my struggles can be used to help other people, and that is what I strive to do every day.
There are numerous alcoholic stories in the world. Take courage from my alcoholism story; it had a happy ending.
And Remember…
For greater insight into interacting with those suffering from the issues mentioned in the article or if you would like to chat with others affected, I highly recommend joining the app, WeAreMore.
