According to a study of more than 170,000 people published at the Psychology Bulletin in 2013, the average adult’s network of friends and colleagues have shrunk over the past 3 decades. It’s no wonder many people feel lonelier than ever.
Feeling lonely, however, is not a direct cause of being alone. It’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd.
Loneliness, in fact, is more dangerous than isolation because it increases a person’s mortality rate, according to John Cacioppo, co-author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Needs for Social Connection.
If it’s so dangerous, how do we fight loneliness then?
Wondering What to Do When You Feel Lonely? Here Are 25 Tried and Tested Tips
1. Just Show Up
Familiarity breeds attraction. A study published at the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that same-sex strangers felt increasing affinity towards each other, after each conversation they had. The same goes for online chat conversations. Don’t be hesitant to talk to people, even if you feel awkward or don’t like them at first. If you’re genuinely interested or curious about others, they’re more likely to reciprocate those feelings.
2. Go On A Solo Date
You know the problem with group and couples dates? The annoying “So what do we do?” and “Where do we eat?” questions. When you go on a date with yourself, you’re sure to go somewhere you actually like and you don’t have to wait around for others to decide.
3. Know The Difference Between Loneliness and Isolation
Loneliness is an emotion, mostly triggered by a sad memory. Unfortunately the brain loves to overanalyze things, so even momentary loneliness can escalate to longer spells because of thoughts like “Why do I feel so alone?” and “Am I a loser no one loves?” When this happens, just acknowledge the feeling and don’t overreact.
4. Attend Meetups
Go to meetup.com and find a group in your city. There are tons of meetup groups catering to every interest, job, city and hobby, so it’s impossible not to find a group to your liking. People who join meetup.com are eager to meet new people, and are incredibly friendly so it’s a nice way to make new friends.
5. Watch A Movie
Watch a movie alone or call some friends to go with you—it doesn’t matter. What’s important is you immerse yourself in an interesting story that’ll erase your gloomy thoughts. Watch a chick-flick, or a super hero movie—anything but a tear jerker, really —and grab lots of candy and popcorn.
6. Volunteer
Focusing on the needs of others steers your mind away from sad thoughts. It’s impossible to feel lonely when you’re feeding the homeless, reading to kids at an orphanage, or dancing with grandmas at a salsa class. Helping the less fortunate will also fill you with immense gratitude.
7. Adopt A Cute Pet
A furry cat or dog will cheer you up. The playfulness of pets, plus the troubles (and fun) you’ll experience while training them will make you forget about your troubles. Even a goldfish or pretty parrot can do wonders for your mood.
8. Identify The Cause Of Your Loneliness
“What to do when you feel lonely?”
I can’t imagine how many people have Googled that phrase when they felt the pangs of loneliness. Unfortunately, it’s not the best question to ask. Would you ask a doctor for a prescription before they check your symptoms?
Instead of trying things randomly, hoping one solution will do the trick—losing hope and feeling worse when it doesn’t—it’s better to identify the cause of your loneliness first. If you were previously happy in your own company, what could’ve caused you to feel lonely this time?
Do your friends make you feel lonely? Is it your work or surroundings, perhaps? The cause of your loneliness will clue you in on the appropriate solution.
9. Read Fiction
Please don’t pick a Dummies book on how to stop feeling lonely. Reading self-help when you’re feeling miserable will make just you feel worse. Read a good novel instead. Losing yourself in a good story or identifying with a powerful character will boost your confidence and fill you with a sense of adventure.
10. Take A Bath
Where do good ideas come from? In the shower, right? Taking a nice, long, and relaxing bath is a great way to be bask in your alone time, instead of drowning in self-pity. Ladies, prepare a glass of red, chocolates and magazines. Gents, take a bubble bath ala Chandler by taking a manly boat with you!
11. Take A Random Bus, Train or Flight Off to Anywhere
Taking public transportation to a random location forces you to do two things—be in the company of strangers, and change your environment. Doing this will ward off loneliness and cure your wanderlust as well.
12. Dance (Naked)
Sometimes, we feel lonely because we’re actually alone. So take this chance to do the things you can only do when you’re alone, like dancing naked or jumping on the bed with your shoes on. Doing crazy stuff alone will give you a good laugh.
13. Go For A Quick Run
Running is scientifically proven to make you happier. Even 30 minutes of walking can instantly lift your mood, according to a 2006 study published at Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise.
14. Watch Friends
Okay, it’s now obvious that I love this show! I’ve watched it 5x now and it still makes me laugh. Watch “The One with the Unagi” and “The One With the Embryos” if you’re feeling lonely and need a good laugh.
15. Get Coffee
Go to a coffee shop far from your apartment or office. Then order coffee and sit on the bar, or that big table on the center where you can talk to people. Compliment someone on their tie, shoes or bag. Start a conversation. Don’t worry if you’re bad at small talk, because chances are you won’t see that person again.
16. Practice #JOMO
Social media is helpful, but it could be detrimental depending on how you use it. When your default behavior is to keep scrolling on Facebook instead of talking to whoever’s with you, or taking a picture of everything you eat instead of just savoring it, then it’s time to experience the joy of missing out (JOMO)—a practice promoted by Randi Zuckerberg. Yes, she’s Mark Zuckerberg’s sister.
17. Make Your Bed
Making your bed in the morning, and doing a quick two-minute wipe down in your kitchen at night, will make you feel better and in control of your life. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, says her research for the book revealed that bed-making is one of the keystone habits of happy people.
18. Look Through Old photos
Prepare some snacks or some tea and canapés ala afternoon high-tea, if you’re feeling fancy. Reminisce the good old days with a friend, your mom or sis. Remembering your crazy antics, and most embarrassing moments caught on camera will fill you with nostalgic memories and drive away loneliness.
19. Get A Camera
Get a camera, then go out and start taking beautiful pictures of things around you. A sunset, a barking dog, or a laughing baby—filling your life with beautiful things can take your mind off of loneliness.
20. Attend Classes For A Fun New Exercise Like Air Yoga, Pole Dancing, Or Trampoline Jumping
The exact exercise doesn’t matter. The point is to get yourself moving, while trying something new in the supportive environment of a group class.
21. Start A 5-Minute Gratitude Journal
It’s hard to feel down when you know that you have a lot to be thankful for. When you don’t know what to be thankful for, just write what you feel. Sometimes, it can help you identify why you feel lonely in the first place.
22. Watch Inspiring Ted Talks
Ted Talks are inspiring and informative. I don’t know why, but watching a few Ted Talks really help when I feel lonely and helpless. Some of my favorites are: “Connected, but alone?” by Sherry Turkle, and “Success, failure and the drive to keep creating” by Elizabeth Glibert.
23. Plan A holiday
Nothing beats loneliness and overwhelm like planning a great holiday vacation. Looking up flights, hotel deals and stuff to do on a random faraway location will boost your spirits and steer your mind off your negative thoughts. You don’t really need to book a trip, sometimes the act of planning for one is enough.
24. Create Something New
Wondering how to not feel lonely, when you actually prefer to be alone? Getting bored is a prerequisite of feeling lonely. And what’s one of the main causes of getting bored? Having nothing to do. So keep yourself occupied! Try a new recipe. Create a scrapbook. Finish that DIY project you’ve been postponing for so long.
25. Do Something Craaazy
Dress up like a tourist, and do all the cheesy touristy things in your city. Eat the local delicacy, tour the crowded tourist spots and explore new locations you’ve never heard of.
How Do You Deal With Loneliness?
Do you have other tips on fighting loneliness? Share them with me @CharleyWrites or comment below.
Photo credits: Daniel Thornton, John, Wonderlane
I think about others; about their troubles and how I could help them. I clean house. I sit outside and listen to birds.
I actually am alone a lot, but spend about 3 hours a week being totally over-peopled. As an introvert, that’s plenty and actual loneliness just doesn’t happen that often. I find being alone a gift.
But if loneliness does hit me? Wow. I think I’m so not used to it that it hits me really hard, about once very five years or so. Then it’s tough, okay!
I’m an extreme extrovert and I work in an extrovert-friendly job (hospitality), but even I get over-peopled (or over-stimulated) sometimes and need my alone time. The problem is I don’t know how to ask for it before I get to the “talk to me and I’ll rearrange your teeth” point. Introverts are better at caring for themselves in that way and I’m trying to learn from them.
Beautiful post! Thank you very much! It helped me get new ideas to do when I feel lonely.
I also cook new food, trying to mix recipees in my head, to see what comes out, and most are very tasty 😛
Often articles on this topic can be flaccid and unhelpful. This was wonderfully written and full of practical advice.
I’ve often noticed that “creatives” (my area) feel lonely when, yes a bad memory or experience triggers our “defensive-brain” and it always goes in to overdrive, suggesting and repeating extreme messages on a loop like “no one likes me; i’m a failure at everything”. But loneliness and emptiness certainly sets in when people are not challenged in any way. Boredom produces phobias and fears and those are naturally avoided often in self destructive ways such as: excessive drinking, extreme changes to fit in to a social group, extreme reliance on other people or relationships, excessive eating or spending.
There’s always a tiny unwarranted fear to overcome when embarking into anything new, but I advise making this fear your friend, a signpost that you’re excited and about to have a new experience and challenge : Learn (and commit time and money to!) something new or something you would never think of doing: an instrument you’ve never played, painting or drawing, pottery, reading about meteorology, attempting to understand quantum physics. Enjoy making mistakes, learning from them and hone the skill of staying curious and open. This kind of activity does more than give you a diverse and exciting social experience, it should also give you the incredibly satisfying feeling of being part of the human race, with much to give and more to learn and then loneliness should becomes nothing but a rare and fleeting thought and the world gains a little more life.
I am so proud of myself ! After reading your list of things to do when you feel lonely, I realized that I’ve done them all – thinking that they were my own idea for combating loneliness. The only thing I don’t recall being mentioned is calling an old friend that you haven’t heard from for a while. Expressing how you feel to someone also get’s it off your chest. (may scare them away though!). I’ve been married twice and also in a ten year relationship that produced a beautiful, intelligent daughter but did not lead to marriage. I keep telling myself how thankful that I should be for all the blessings, but sometimes that darkness takes over. That’s life I guess. Perhaps some people just keep to themselves – not me – I tell everyone! Not that I want sympathy – just appreciate when others open up with their feelings. Then I don’t feel so alone. I guess I need caring people around me. I remember feeling this way, even as a child.
People who are not alone and who have kids, and family, will never understand the pain of being alone someone said it shorten your life this is true you have a feeling and your head and in your heart to be wanted if it is not adding up to what you feel you should be treated you will get down on yourself.
The helping others in need is very helpful. Now most of the time my loneliness comes from a lack of not being in a romantic relationship. But that’s not all in life… I will look to the needs of others and get my mind off of me. Praying and reading the bible helps…
For loneliness trying new things helps. What really helps is taking a walk, going to church to mingle with people, striking up a conversation with a stranger on the buss, writing letters to people.
There were a few good ones. I am a chronically lonely person, and I usually do the cafe thing in the morning, or afternoon just to be around people. I am considered a handsome gent with a lot to offer, but for some reason, I am usually feeling lonely. The cafe is a good one. I am writing this from a cafe, and yep, I am lonely-maybe this is why I am writing this long ridiculous note.
I tend to sleep with women more often than I should- not to feel good about my sex life, but because I have a warm body next to me, so I hold that random person-then when they leave, I am back to being lonely.
If you are into traveling, the next time you go somewhere, stay in a hostel-its hard not to converse with people in those. I have met a lot of people from all over the world in Hostels and continue to remain friends with a lot of them. I just had a friend visit me from Ireland whom I met in a hostel in Galway last year.
Sending you lonely peeps a huge hug!
Hello, because of work I’ve been traveling a lot, which is what i absolutely love the most in this life (after my family of course) but because it, i’m always new everywhere i go and my co-workers are not very much into the things i like; I’m a young Architect -woman- working in construction and pretty much all my co-workers are older men who biggest interest is mostly drinking, which i’m fine with but that gets boring for me after a while and as empowering as it feels to be the only woman and making my own way, I have started to feel alone, not lonely precisely… just acknowledging that i’m alone, i have been doing things on my own for some time (mostly everything you have enlisted above) but i have been missing the human interaction (having friends) and i started feeling bad and kind of a loser for not having friends even though i am conscience being alone is not a bad thing… with all this said basically i just want to thank you for writing this article, it made me feel better and less alone by realizing i’m not the only one who has felt this way 🙂
Hi,, I can relate to what you are saying, I was widowed just over a year ago. weekends are lonely for me.Im comfortable in my own skin and I have a good fulltime job..but i have started to feel alone too.I`m glad I`m not the only one like that.
The moment I saw watch friends I knew this post was meant for me to see. Thank you. I move around a lot, and well it gets tiring making friends. A lot of the time loneliness creeps back in.
I really think this will help me. I feel lonely all the time, probably because instead of being with my friends, I’m on the computer watching Markiplier, or on Quotev updating my stories.My friends and I are growing out of the same interests so we don’t really see each other anyways, so I feel lonely and sad all day every day. Even when I’m in school smiling and talking to my classmates who think I’m one of the happiest people they know when really I can be one of the most depressed people they could ever know.
I’m a very creative person, so I really think #24 will help me. I have also always wanted to see a movie just on my own, so maybe I could try #5. I already have a cut pet, take lots of baths, and own a journal. But maybe I should start taking walks more and maybe even visit some places by myself, hopefully my parents will let me. Because I think these techniques could really work if I just give them a chance.
For me I see couples at school and it just gets me super jealous when ever I’m by them. There’s this real popular girl I like but I can’t talk to her. Sometimes I want so one to hug
Hi, loved your post. when loneliness creeps in, i usually listen to energetic music, dance my way out of loneliness, so effective. thanks for sharing your ideas, it will definitely help me a lot. Great read.
I love this, been feeling very lonely and teary alot, especially today. When I stumbled across this it made me smile. You’re very right about keeping on top of the housework, it’s almost like you’re cleaning your mind. Same with reading, you get so engrossed you sink into that world. Thank you for your great post, it came at the right time
ITS NORMAL TO BE LONELY SOMETIMES BUT NOT ALL THE TIME , GET INVOLVED WITH ANY ACTIVITY THAT YOU ENJOY, READ THE BIBLE , OPEN UP TO SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU, FOR ME THE BEST IS HELPSOMEONE LIKE YOU , PRAY TOGETHER AND HAVE CLOSE FRIENDS AROUND YOU
Wow, the whole 25 boards)) fun, thanks for the information. I’ll be sure to take advantage. But I’m not quite caught the council # 12 will, unless to do so with the windows open)) I’m kidding, thanks for the interesting post, many others like it.
I feel lonely because I don’t have a girlfriend or many friends, my place is like a business district, and going on a solo date makes my loneliness even worse I guess. I want a pet cat so bad 🙁 but my parents don’t allow me. but thanks I’ll try the other method 😀
Good points, one missing is: do what you always enjoyed doing the best, be it skiing, sailing, yoga or simply waliking on the beach. For this is where you will find like minded people. Like does attract ,
especially when you are in your collective ‘like’ space and comfortable with yourself.
hey,when i feel lonely,i write all my feelings on a sheet of paper,then tear it and throw it in the dustbin……………..
such a lovely post 🙂 I am one of those people who prefer being alone but then feel lonely anyways and realized I was actually doing most the things listed here unconsciously. Sometimes you get so stuck in a feeling though that little reminders like this are a great help. Thank you!
I’m lonely all the time–have been for at least 20 years. I never was good at making friends. Now I go days or weeks without seeing anyone except the customers at the grocery store. I want friends so bad, in fact I secretly wish to be popular. I hear not having many connections increases my risk of death. I don’t want to die.
Thanks for nice avenues to let go off our loneliness.
Personally, I am a spiritual practitioner. I found reading scriptures and praying to God is also a way to overcome loneliness. Spiritual practices gives us the strength to connect to others in a more selfless way. Help them in whatever way we can. That satisfies our heart too because all we need is to love and be loved.
I relate to the comment about make the bed.. I feel heaps better when i make my bed. After I read this… I got out of bed and made my bed.
I just want to say, when i typed on google “i’m lonely” i seriously didn’t expect to find anything helpful.
Thank you, really.
Do gardening. Or whatever you like, make it a hobby. Knitting, painting etc…
You will find loneliness helping you to show your new talent. 🙂
I’ve got a broken back that limits my activity that is usually done in a chair. I go to PT, have visitors, and write poetry but am left with a lot of empty hours I usually spend watching old movies and sending emails. I have a loving husband but I feel useless.
I’m always constantly lonely. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about anything. I find myself wanting to talk to myself just to try and get things off my chest. I recently met a girl and I think I scared her off always wanting to be with her as I loved not being alone and enjoyed her company. Not many people seem to want to mix with me and I really don’t know why. I’m never nasty to people and I’m always loyal and caring. I dress smartly and shower and take care of myself. People have mentioned I’ve done well for myself so I’m not a scrounger. I don’t know. I try and make myself a more interesting person and more approachable. I do find a lot of people I meet very boring I must say. Maybe I show that I’m bored? I always ask people questions and listen and talk when I think I need too. Maybe I’m boring. Whatever it is it’s made me one lonely man an I wish I could sort it. Writing this is the most fun I’ve had all day.
Adopting a pet is a huge responsibility, you should mention that.
While it sounds great and all, you do have to feed them, walk them, etc.
Good intentions are great but if a person is lonely and possibly depressed what if they reach a point they don’t care to care for the pet anymore?
…..The pet suffers for it.
Thanks for pointing it out. It is true. It helps but it also creates responsibility and requires commitment.
I almost feel refreshing to see the post you sent. I have done almost all the saying, but still I need a family, chit chat with someone who are truly attached with me. Even widow or overage. But I want to submit myself. As a member.
Thank you to everyone that has commented. I don’t feel so alone at this point in time. I am an outgoing person, constantly on the move, travelling alot for work, always on the go but I feel lonely all the time. I always make an effort for people and go out of my way for them and yet I feel this is not always reciprocated not that I look for it. I felt lonely in so many strange places in a room full of people, dancing on the dance floor with close mates underneath bridges sitting in the park anywhere and everywhere. I have been single for 10 years and I enjoy singledom I enjoy my life but this loneliness feeling has always been around
I lost my husband to cancer 6 years ago, when he was 49 and I was 47. We had one child who went away to college and then moved out of town for his career. I never was good at making and keeping friends. He was my best friend. Since then I’ve tried to go out (felt alone in crowds) and I do have a pet. I try to keep busy by doing things at home, but then the loneliness returns because who do I have to show my accomplishments to? Would love to meet someone, but I’m ahead of the curve for being a widow, when most people my age are in relationships. Tough thing, loneliness…
have done the solo date, not adventurous enough to travel on my own, feel like a loser when I’m around people who state that they have a family and things to do. I have a pet, whom I love, but it’s a burden at times because the help isn’t/can’t be there. Tough days, being lonely.
when i feeling lonely. i was talking a lot without reason my friends, i think i’m a depressed fellow . when i feeling so lonely i’m talking my self and feeling very happy. this is the best way to reduce the loneliness for my opinion. and above subjects are helpful to reduce the depress thank u for the tips i’m very thankful to you